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If God is good, they’ll have a thing for goth girls.
If god is anything like the dominionists, his only thing for goth girls is “convincing them to become trad wives”. (I knew a few of these guys unfortunately, the very few that managed to get laid turned out to be massive abusive assholes)
And if God is bad, they’ll have a thing for goth girls
I hope it isn’t the deific version of the thing I have for goth girls. I won’t stand a chance anymore.
How else could we reconcile being made in their* image?
For a second or three there, I read that as:
When I was a kid,
a priest told me about MarsReminds me on this old joke:
A man running from the police runs into the Catholic church and hides in confession box.Another person enters the other side and says “Forgive me Father for I have sinned”.
The man not wanting to get caught says, “What have you done my daughter?”
She says, “I have had anal sex with my boyfriend, I know sex is for making children, please forgive me . What is my penance?”
The man not knowing what to say, quickly opens his side of the confession box and sees a choir boy walking by , “Hey Kid what does the Priest give for anal sex?”
He responds, “A can of pop and a bag of chips”
The Rapture = At literally any moment, your little child self could be snatched violently upward into space/some unknown cosmic destination to the sound of blaring celestial trumpets from the skies, etc. This is 100% real and seems increasingly likely, by the day.
Night-night, sweetie!
The priest looks like Father Ted
Luckily it isn’t father Jack, cause she would be in trouble.
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Upgrade your Jitterbug, mate. Looks fine from here.
I take it back.
SLAYERRRR!!!
\m/
Huh…I spent so much of my life concentrated on the fact that Mary was a lying slut who absolutely had sex with someone. Thus making Jesus not only NOT God’s child, but also by definition a bastard…that I never thought about the story from the perspective of it being true. If you take the story at face value, and God impregnated Mary in her sleep? That makes God a rapist who didn’t get consent.
Mary was not virgin until they changed the story later around A.D. 300, during the Romain Catholic Church.
Oh. Damn. I only heard the story AFTER 300AD. I was late to the game, I guess.
You have a source to read that up? At least in 452, they (some) were already pretty sure about her being virgin.
Dioscorus then moved to depose Flavian of Constantinople and Eusebius of Dorylaeum on the grounds that they taught the Word had been made flesh and not just assumed flesh from the Virgin and that Christ had two natures.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Council_of_Chalcedon
Edit: the bible was written ca. 300 after christ tho. Probably because of this.
452 is after 300 so that would be consistent with OP, however, here’s a “source” such as it is claiming her virginity in 150 AD https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gospel_of_James
OP might be confusing the adipartheos of Mary - the belief that she was a virgin before, during and after the birth of Christ. Some even go as so far as to imply Jesus wasn’t born like a human and emerged in some other way, which I’ll leave to the readers imagination.
Actually an angel appeared and told Mary she was chosen. She said “aight bet.” So, technically consent.
Your boss shows up and says, “you’ve been chosen”. Say no and you’re fired…
Jesus is still a bastard too.
Yeah I never heard of God getting married.
Jesus was a bastard who was BFFs with a prozzie, did violence against the wealthy, and spurned authority. God might not listen to Slayer, but I reckon Jesus would have
Right? Jesus was a real one. Christianity should be metal AF.
No way, Religion is all a sham? MIND=BLOWN
Yep. Pretty fucked no matter which way you look at it…
Has anyone informed you of Sithrak the Blind Gibberer?
All hail the God Who Hates You Unconditionally 👌
“No worse than us, mind.”
I find this religion refreshingly honest and egalitarian. I might convert.
If the only piece of advice on how to live you get from a religion is “Stay alive as long as you can!” That’s still better than a lot of the rest of them.
Oglaf is a fucking treasure
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In school I tried to bring up this theory that the three wise men all thought they were the father and came bearing gifts for that reason and mary was either lying or totally clueless/tricked. It wasn’t well received but nobody was able to refute it with relevant bile quotes or anything.
nobody was able to refute it with relevant bile quotes or anything.
Unclear if typo, or powerful statement.
A little from column A, a little from column B? ;-)
bile is an important part of your body’s functions, don’t compare it to the silly storybook
That makes God a rapist who didn’t get consent.
If we take the story at face value, he did get consent.
And Mary said, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.”
- Luke 1:38
Man…dirty talk sure was different back then.
Behold! My loins are awaiting thyself!
There is a Christian bedtime story where I’m from. In the end it says something like “and you’ll wake up in the morning if god wants you to”. wtf what if god doesn’t want me to wake up tomorrow.
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Basically the Muslim saying “insha’Allah”.
Which isn’t specifically about sleep or anything.
I believe it means God willing.
Mashallah is similar and means something like God willed it (made it happen).
Yea insha’Allah is used when you make plans for example. “I’ll see you at the cafe at 3 if Allah wants it so”
the muslims also have an explanation for sleep: “god kills you at night and wakes you up in the morning”
applying simple logic to that would get you mistreated i.e how do you breathe when you’re dead?
they have no answer to this
We got a lullaby with that line here in Germany. “Morgen früh, wenn Gott will, wirst du wieder geweckt.”
That’s exactly the one I meant.
Never heard that one in my life. Maybe a regional thing?
It is, or at least was, one of the most famous German lullabies (Guten Abend, gut’ Nacht). The music is from Brahms, wo made it famous. It started as a regional folk poem tho.
Huh, you are right I’ve heard that quite a lot as a child. Either my family left that out or my memory is faulty. That would not be surprising of course
Stroke
Then you don’t
I like this comic but there’s one thing I can’t get past - why can’t this person draw noses???
Ever heard anything called art-styles???
Those noses are perfect, whats wrong with your nose
I honestly think that if a personal, knowable, and forgiving god exists as the god-botherers say they believe in, then he/she would get down with some Slayer and chuckle at the irony of listening to such music.
Why can’t a god have a sense of humor?
Considering Mary seems to be around 12-13 from the literature we have? You’ll age out of it, I guess? Cold comfort…
I never heard of this, but I feel no need to doubt it.
Wait WHAT?? Bruh what is going on with Christianity?
Is it really so surprising?
Yes
Wait for them to learn about islam
Muhammed had a 9yo wife (but it’s “totally cool” because he didn’t fuck her until she was 11, I’m assured…), it’s not just Christianity.
Also iirc people had babies about once a year starting around 14 until they died at 30 of any number of causes, and that’s if they made it past infancy since the infant mortality rate was so high, which was also why people had like 20 kids. Frankly it’s relatively recently that the standards we know today were put in place, and I’m happy for the strides we’ve made but there’s still room for improvement, but this type of shit happened by all religions for most of recorded history and probably before that until like, 19xx.
Coming back to add in an edit, here’s an article I saw this morning.
It’s definitely not just Christians, this is from today.
Yeah, this is one of those cases where it very much was a standard of its times. Even in societies that were generally egalitarian ya saw it since well as you stated infant mortality was real fucken high and giving birth wasvery dangerous.
Probably ought to be glad Zeus doesn’t exist either.
Good call. Everything is Zeus’s type.
UwU
…I think I’d rather be Zeus’s type than Yahweh’s…
Christian God doesn’t even come down to earth in the form of an animal to get you pregnant. You just wake up one morning with a bun in the oven. Dude should at least make it fun. Zeus and Posieden knew how to have a good time.
My favorite story now that Hades 2 the video game is in early access, is that Melenöe, Hades daughter, was conceived by Zeus disguised as Hades hitting up Persephone.
They do skip details like this in the Hades games, also skip incest and inbreeding. They dont skip same gender relationships though, so at least there is some details that are retained
I’ve been holding off getting Hades 2 only because I haven’t beaten Hades 1. Which is probably stupid, because it’s a roguelike and I could be unable to beat it forever because RNGesus hates me. 🤣
You can do it! Did you beat hades once?
Look up OP builds, use the Hera bow, and start with aprodite’s keepsake, and use aprodite’s cast with hera bow. This is the only required part for this build. Other than that Athena dash is always the best dash always always, until you find the game becomes easy. Poseidon attack with this build is suggested, but optional.
In the mirror, focus on getting more death defiance, dashes and life regen. After that more health and the one that gives bonus damage if you have two curses on the enemy (you get one from aprodite’s cast, and one from poseidon attack + razor shoals boon)
Use the same build over and over again and you will beat hades in a few tries.
Learn the moves, when foes telegraph their attack, dash more. The hardest boss is the second to last boss. Won’t explain why, for sake of spoilers of you or someone else hasn’t gotten that far.
You should use gold to buy max health, or healing more often. I bet you focus on buying boons first, you don’t need that with the build above
When you first manage to beat hades, beat him like 9 times total i think to get the end credits. The prolog after the end credits has more story than before the end credits. Mainly give max amount of nectar to everyone to qualify for the big ending in the prolog
RNGeus.
Zeus doesn’t even discriminate based on gender. He saw Ganymede, a cute mortal twink herder, and brought him to mt Olympus to be his femboy cup-bearer. Tried for ages to get him pregnant, but with no such luck.
Of course he listens to Slayer. Why else would this photo of God and Tom Araya exist?
I approve of Lemmy being God. My mom has a couple great stories playing cards and smoking joints with them while they had the groupies come in and out lol.
