The Onion a little over ten years ago:

Horrified Subway Execs Assumed People Were Buying Footlongs To Share With A Friend

Thanks to Poe’s Law, you may want to try this next time: “/s”

Even Jason figured this one out.

My understanding is that the cost of Extended Security Updates (ESU) goes up every year.

So, not dairy free, then.

One of those until-recently mouth agape YouTubers.

There’s an NPR episode of Code Switch on the subject:

https://www.npr.org/sections/codeswitch/2014/05/16/313154674/mirror-mirror-does-fairest-mean-most-beautiful-or-most-white

Nice try, sentient escherichia coli.

This is what I often did before going to a party. Sometimes before, sometimes after driving more than 90km to get there