That’s exactly why I quit caring to try. I achieved a few dreams and felt…nothing. No sense of pride or accomplishment after burning my life away with no time or energy to make friends for years at a time or enjoy the few things I can still enjoy.
I just wish I had the desire to make friends or keep them. Every step we take in this world requires other people, and yet the most exhausting thing in this world to me is company. I can’t have a career of any kind because the whole idea of doing a social dance makes me want to vomit. It just isn’t in me.
I’m not depressed, at least I don’t think I am. I don’t really feel sad.
I always wanted to be a musician and I recorded a lot of songs when I was younger. I got pretty good at it even, and then I just stopped one day because I stopped feeling sad. I never shared any of it really. I still play, I just don’t take it seriously or write any more. I want to, because I put so much of myself into it. When I listen to a record I love, all I can do after is dream about making something that someone would love that much, but even if I did I’d never put it out there.
I don’t even know why I typed this out. Your comment just opened me up I guess.
Fuck it. Here’s one of those songs I wrote a thousand years ago.
I’m not depressed, at least I don’t think I am. I don’t really feel sad.
Society equating depression with sadness is a great disservice to the condition. It’s quite common for it to present as just … nothing. An emotional void where you might expect emotions to be. Things that would be expected to make you happy just don’t. Things that would make you sad, the same. Your feelings are depressed in the sense that their impact is just muted across the board.
A lack of motivation is also a very common indicator. You’re just missing the drive to do something because the emotional rewards that you expect to happen when you accomplish your goals just aren’t there.
It seems it is a product of modern western style culture. Move away from family for independence, spend best days of life slogging away to live paycheck to paycheck.
I worked with a few filipinos that immigrates to Canada. While the believe Canada is a good place to live, they mention the lonely culture here. They said in the Phillapines every weekend, or sometines day, was a party with friends or family. They always made up a party to celebrate something.
I think we have forgotten that communty village living is what humans evovled to, and yearn.
Another Filipino said canada is great, but everything needs money. Housing is expensive, food is expensive, cars, and all the bills. He said back home we live more simple, no need for a heating bill because of climate, no need for a water bill. If I want water I drill a hole in the ground. So life is about living not earning
That’s exactly why I quit caring to try. I achieved a few dreams and felt…nothing. No sense of pride or accomplishment after burning my life away with no time or energy to make friends for years at a time or enjoy the few things I can still enjoy.
I just wish I had the desire to make friends or keep them. Every step we take in this world requires other people, and yet the most exhausting thing in this world to me is company. I can’t have a career of any kind because the whole idea of doing a social dance makes me want to vomit. It just isn’t in me.
I’m not depressed, at least I don’t think I am. I don’t really feel sad.
I always wanted to be a musician and I recorded a lot of songs when I was younger. I got pretty good at it even, and then I just stopped one day because I stopped feeling sad. I never shared any of it really. I still play, I just don’t take it seriously or write any more. I want to, because I put so much of myself into it. When I listen to a record I love, all I can do after is dream about making something that someone would love that much, but even if I did I’d never put it out there.
I don’t even know why I typed this out. Your comment just opened me up I guess.
Fuck it. Here’s one of those songs I wrote a thousand years ago.
https://mega.nz/file/c0lkyZiT#MrSCD8ZCK_W5QmU5hekJrhhP-J3tGKUHvpAR748MQ10
There, now I’ve shared one.
Society equating depression with sadness is a great disservice to the condition. It’s quite common for it to present as just … nothing. An emotional void where you might expect emotions to be. Things that would be expected to make you happy just don’t. Things that would make you sad, the same. Your feelings are depressed in the sense that their impact is just muted across the board.
A lack of motivation is also a very common indicator. You’re just missing the drive to do something because the emotional rewards that you expect to happen when you accomplish your goals just aren’t there.
It seems it is a product of modern western style culture. Move away from family for independence, spend best days of life slogging away to live paycheck to paycheck.
I worked with a few filipinos that immigrates to Canada. While the believe Canada is a good place to live, they mention the lonely culture here. They said in the Phillapines every weekend, or sometines day, was a party with friends or family. They always made up a party to celebrate something.
I think we have forgotten that communty village living is what humans evovled to, and yearn.
Another Filipino said canada is great, but everything needs money. Housing is expensive, food is expensive, cars, and all the bills. He said back home we live more simple, no need for a heating bill because of climate, no need for a water bill. If I want water I drill a hole in the ground. So life is about living not earning