I’m a dude, but I frequently browse BadWomansAnatomy. I was having a (calm, respectful) debate with a few users regarding how a lot of people that have “transitioned” still bear hallmarks of their former gender (I mentioned one of my long time friends who has gone from MTF and still looks the same. Kaitlin and Elliot are also good examples). The ban was because I dared to use the “dead names” of Elliot Page and Kaitlin Jenner! Oh the horror! 😱
I went to post in /r/rant how I just thought it was ridiculous and it was autoremoved because I mentioned the world “mod” in the title and I mentioned a specific community 🤣
I mean, did you intend to dead name them? If not, did you correct yourself?
Because if you did it intentionally, you’re an asshole. If you did it by mistake because you brain farted, but didn’t correct it, you’re an asshole. You did use the right names here, so I ain’t mad. But let me frame things for you.
If you went through the effort of changing what people call you from your first name to your middle name, anyone refusing to switch would be an asshole. Doing it if you were struggling with something major related to that name would make them a giant asshole.
IDGAF who it is, if they aren’t picking a name just to fuck with people, you fucking call them what they want to be called, period. Anything else is just douchebaggery.
Now, when you add in that dead naming trans people can be an act of aggressive verbal attack to trans people as a whole, the person doing so isn’t just an asshole, they’re a bigoted asshole.
Is that who you want to be? The person that fucks with people just trying their best to live a free and happy life? If that is who you want to be, I have to warn you that reddit is not the only place online you’ll end up barred from. And there are people that will treat you poorly because of being an asshole. Actions have consequences, and words can be a form of action. While I support your freedom to say what you want within the framework of general legality regarding incitement, that doesn’t mean anyone has to accept that kind of thing and let you spew nastiness.
So, take the ban like an adult. Accept that you fucked up enough for the community, and use that in the future to really think about the subject and decide who you want to be.
There’s a huge difference between referring to a third party as their “dead name” and calling someone their dead name" to their face. I would never refer to my friend Sarah as Andrew, but people are getting pissed that I referred to a celebrity who won’t ever see it. It’s like I referred to John Wayne as Marion Morrison (his real name) and people call for lynching me in the street.
There is a massive difference between a stage/screen name and the name a person chooses for transition.
The fact that you don’t realize that is why you ended up banned.
The fact that you’re still trying to make them the same same thing is why you’re an asshole.
See, it’s about the way you think and act. The choice of ignoring a person’s name points right towards a disrespect of the fact of the person’s transition.
Now, mistakes happen. I’ve dead named friends during the early stages of transition, it takes time to train the brain to new names. But, and this is the important part I recognize the mistake, fix it and work harder.
Even with a stranger like an a actor, respecting a name chosen for transition shows respect for the person, and for trans people in general. Refusing to correct a mistake is the same as refusing to use their correct name in the first place.
Nobody is calling for lynching you, though I am aware that was hyperbole, not literal. I’m not even saying you need your ass beat. I’m saying that the way you’re thinking as evidences by the things you’re saying in public is douchey. The behavior you related in the post is ban worthy, if not corrected.
Again, there is absolutely a difference between calling John Wayne Marion and calling Eliot Page Ellen. If you don’t understand the difference, that’s okay. I will be glad to try and help you understand that difference, no bullshit.
And there is some minor difference between dead naming a person to their face and doing it in private. But you didn’t do it in private. Again, if you don’t see the distinctions involved, I am willing to try and help you see it.
You fucked up. We all fuck up. It’s what we do after that really matters.
Sure, I did something “wrong” intentionally (with ZERO malice intended), I just think it’s ridiculous (and actually kinda funny) how angry people got over it. It’s not like I completely denied their “status” (or whatever) as the opposite gender. I included both names (referring to their former and current selves) because their former gender and current gender are two different identities, correct? You wouldn’t refer to Kaitlyn’s former self as Kaitlyn, would you? She was Bruce when she was a male, so how is that “wrong”? It was like I collectively punched everyone in the metaphorical balls just because they saw a name. It’s like we’re living in the Harry Potter universe and I said “Voldemort”.
I’m accepting of everyone, I was hanging out with a non-binary guy, a queer girl, and another guy, whom I believe was transgender last night for multiple hours. Yet, people read so far into stuff that they assume that you’re on the extreme opposite side of them all because I decided to use the former names of two celebrities when comparing how they looked as their former selves and their current selves.
It seems that (some) people that are members of the “other” (I’m sure I’ll get hate for that as well!) communities outside of Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual community are some the angriest people, I’ve seen it mentioned multiple times from people that are part of the LGB community that there is a rift between them and even they find it quite ridiculous. It’s like the people on the TQIA+ are on the extreme opposite side of the “anti” side, you fuck up and they want to crucify you and deem you as being hateful.
I was also only banned for a day because of that entire conversation, the permaban was because I said “As a guy I appreciate the change” when a woman said she switched from jeans to yoga pants as her daily wear (in a completely different post) 🤣 You can’t even make an “out of line” comment without enraging the powers that be apparently! Imagine being a woman and saying “as a woman, I appreciate the change” when a muscle bound guy said he switched from wearing loose T-shirts to tight t-shirts that show off his muscles. It’s fucking ridiculous.
I see this patronizing, judgmental language everywhere on the internet, and I’m pretty tired of it. OP is right to be annoyed.
Here’s an intelligent question: Why is R*ddit a place where every little infraction, real and perceived, attracts the account death penalty?
Well, if you are seriously defending someone dead naming people on purpose, nobody worth a damn cares about your opinion.
To answer your question, there’s two parts. First, it doesn’t matter where it is, shitty behavior means you aren’t allowed back. Reddit, lemmy, your house, my house, a bar, you ignore yr rules you get thrown out and not allowed back in.
Second, reddit is reddit. The site/company has been like that for ages, so anyone acting surprised by it are idiots, and anyone still using it when the company has repeatedly shown they will do exactly what op described is a masochist and/or an idiot.
Now, you can be as tired of it as you like, we don’t owe each other a gods damned thing. But OP was a moron, and deserved to be out on their ass. Any rational adult is aware that words have consequences. Any rational adult knows that if one breaks the rules of a community, one will be rejected from that community. This is not calculus, it’s 2+2. So, when an adult does something bone headed and gets ejected, they need to be an adult and move on without whining about it.
Also, it wasn’t a very intelligent question. It was phrased poorly, and reflects limited thinking. That, btw, is patronizing and judgemental as well ;)